This is a subject that not everyone likes to address, but if you have followed my writings, you know that I am the type of Coach that will! Plus, I have first-hand experience on what this is all about. In my family Lineage, divorce, abuse, unfaithfulness, and our children rebelling has run rampid. Why? Hardened hearts and poor examples in parenting…
I’ve been married and divorced more than once, (not because I wanted to either), but because the men that I chose were abusive and unfaithful. One of my sayings is that, “Children are what they live with,” and I lived with this in my family. Out of my woundedness, I picked men who were no different than the men in my family.
I prayed and asked God why He allowed me to make such poor choices in men and He answered me one day. He said, “In the marriages you were in, I hardened their hearts against you for one reason — to see if they loved you and Me enough to yield.” WOW! God hardens people’s hearts? Yes, He does…
EXODUS 4:21 (NLT):
“And the Lord told Moses, “When you arrive back in Egypt, go to Pharaoh and perform all the miracles I have empowered you to do. But I will harden his heart so he will refuse to let the people go.”
I then did a Word Search on having a hardened heart to have a better understanding as to why things had turned out the way they did, not only in my life, but in my family’s lives also. In some situations it was not that the Lord hardened my family’s hearts, but that their hearts were already hardened and they would not surrender, so divorce occurred.
Then I thought about the Prodigal Son and how God used his rebellion to bring him to a place of repentance and appreciation of what he had been blessed with. There is also the hardening of hearts through Soul Wounds and the enemy uses that as an entrance through pride. This is where an individual truly believes that they have a right to be angry, bitter, and resentful. Remember how the brother of the Prodigal Son was so jealous against him — that was another HOT MESS — as he didn’t want to forgive him?
In reality, we do not have this right as Believers, because God has forgiven us of so much, who are we not to forgive others? Being in abusive relationships can challenge us in being able to forgive, because of the abuse. However, as an act of our will, we can choose to forgive, (even if it is by Faith, before we feel the feelings).
This then takes away the right for the enemy to have legal access to our Souls, (the mind, will, and emotions), in keeping us in a poisonous state-of-mind. The most important part is that we go before God and ask Him to help us to forgive.
This is also where healthy Boundaries, Counseling or seeking professional Therapy in doing some Soul Healing comes in. Although we are asked by God to forgive, we’re not asked to condon a person’s abusive or dysfunctional behaviors.
How about you — do you have a hardened heart or know someone who does? I encourage you to do a Scripture Study of what this is all about and pray for discernment and wisdom. The important thing to remember is that we are only responsible for ourselves.
We cannot control anyone else or make them do right by us. We have to leave them in God’s hands or we will become bitter and not better. With what I have personally come out of, it’s a daily Journey for me, but I am fully persuaded that, “This too shall pass…”
Take Care of You,
Coach Sandra 💞
